It is vital that anyone considering ending a relationship appreciates that the process can be traumatic. Children may be badly affected and families will experience a substantial drop in the standard of living.
Before making the decision to end a relationship, it is important to appraise honestly whether things are so bad within a relationship that there is no alternative. Expert advice from a trained counselor can be invaluable if both of you are prepared to try.
A directory of a wide range of marriage support agencies can be found at:
www.open.gov.uk/lcd/family/marsup/famtxtfr.htm
If you believe that a divorce or separation is
inevitable you may have the following questions:
If you have been married for a year and you consider that either England or Wales is your home you will probably be able to obtain a divorce in England or Wales. It will be necessary to base the Divorce Petition on one of the following facts:
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Adultery by the other person
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Behaviour of the other person which YOU find unreasonable
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Your having lived apart for two years AND the other person agrees
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Your having been deserted for two years
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Your having been separated for five years
Can we deal with financial issues ourselves?
Do not fall into the trap of thinking that everything is over between you once you have obtained the Decree Absolute. Either one of you will have the right to make an application to the Court for financial provision from the other in the future regardless of any agreement you have reached between yourselves.
You will be vulnerable to such an application unless you obtain a Court Order preventing it. In other words, if you wish to obtain a true 'clean break' you will need a court order. BUT be aware that your remarriage may remove your right to make this kind of application.
Do
not take major financial decisions i.e. buying or selling a house without
first taking independent legal advice.
BACK
YES!
A number of people believe that mediation is an alternative to Court proceedings. This is not necessarily so.
Mediation is usually a better way of dealing with disputes regarding children, and reference to the court is often unnecessary.
In relation to financial issues, mediation should be supported by independent legal advice. Mediation is not suitable at all times and in all circumstances. It is probably wise to keep an open mind; the fact that mediation failed at one stage does not necessarily mean it will fail at a later stage.
In many break-ups time needs to elapse before both parties are emotionally ready to put the past behind them.
If you would like help in deciding whether mediation is for you, you will find help at www.familymediators.co.uk/frequent.html or at our site www.m4mediation.com.
Some couples separate, but do not wish to divorce, or wish to postpone their divorce. They can formalise their separation and their financial circumstances with a Separation Deed.
If you want to do this you should be aware of the following:
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You do not need a legal document to mark the start of your separation
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It is only possible to enter into a Separation Deed if you both wish to do so
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You should each obtain independent legal advice
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The Deed will be enforceable under normal contract law
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You cannot achieve a true "clean break" with a Separation Deed
In our experience, these can be a false economy and lead to bitter disputes. If the marriage really is over, why not tackle the problems now so that you can start a new life.
Provided parents agree where their children are to live (referred to as Residence by the Courts) and when contact with the other parent will take place, the Court will not usually become involved. We advise that you should only turn to the Court as a last resort.
There is no formula for the right amount of contact and
this will vary from family to family. Good contact takes place on a
regular basis so that the children know when they are going to see their
parent, but is sufficiently flexible to allow the children to make the
most of their own social lives.
Classically, the parent collects and returns the children at set times each week, with variations by prior agreement.
If you really love your children then you should "play fair" and avoid using them as weapons.
Contact and money should never be linked.
If you cannot agree arrangements for residence and/or contact between yourselves we strongly recommend that you attend mediation before making an application to the court. Further information from www.familymediators.co.uk/frequent.html
We hope that mediation will enable you to find the
solution you need. In the event the matter does progress to Court the
Judge will usually want to know whether mediation has been attempted.
Court proceedings and mediation are not mutually exclusive and a number of
parents find it helpful to attend mediation while Court proceedings
continue.
You may find the following organisations
helpful:
Relate: 0870 6012121 Mon - Fri 9.30am - 1.00pm
Child Support Agency: www.dss.gov.uk/csa/
National Association of Child Contact Centres: www.NACCC.org.uk
Gingerbread: www.gingerbread.org.uk
Families' Need Fathers: 0171 6135060
This is often the greatest worry, and it is an important issue. Both parties should take independent legal advice before making a decision.
If you are both young, have no children and neither of you can afford the mortgage on your own, it may be better for both of you if you sell the house sooner rather than later. It may be sensible to take independent legal advice with regard to sharing the money received from the sale before dividing it between you.
Will I have to pay
maintenance?
Child maintenance
If you are not living with your children you will almost certainly have to pay maintenance for them. If child maintenance is not agreed between you, it is assessed and enforced by the Child Support Agency and not the Courts. The Courts may become involved if you are very wealthy, if the parent not living with the children lives abroad or if there is already a Court Order in force regarding maintenance. If the parent with whom the children are living is in receipt of Family Credit or Income Support, the Child Support Agency is automatically involved, regardless of any agreements you may wish to have between you.
Helpful information can now be found at the Child Support Agency's own site at www.dss.gov.uk/csa/
Maintenance for your spouse
Although it is generally true that maintenance is more likely to be payable after a long marriage, this is not always the case. Whether maintenance will be payable in your case will depend on your individual circumstances.
My partner and I have just
separated - where do I stand?
If you have children, the person who is not going to live with them is required by law to pay child maintenance to their former partner. You are likely to find some of the information you need on this topic at the CSA's own site www.dss.gov.uk/csa/
As far as property and money between yourselves is concerned, the general rule is each of you is entitled to assets in your own name and responsible for the debts in your own name. Joint property or joint debts are likely to be shared equally between you. However, if you paid the debts in unequal proportions, then this rule may be varied.
Your shared home MAY be an exception to the rule for a number of reasons; the situation becomes even more complex if you have children. In these circumstances we strongly recommend that you each take independent legal advice.
How much will my solicitor
charge?
Everyone's family and circumstances are different and this affects the amount of work involved. We hope you will find the following examples helpful. The figures given are for guidance only and are for work carried out by us on a private fees basis. Your costs will depend on the complexity of your situation, your own actions and those of the other person and their solicitor. Therefore, they could be higher than this.
The figures quoted are our own fees, excluding VAT, Court Fees
and, where necessary, barrister's fees and are based on the current rate
of £125 per hour charged by Anne Goodenough, Legal Executive at McEwens.
| Separation Deed | £500 to £800 each |
| Children - Contact and residence disputes | £1,000 to £5,000 each |
| Divorce | approx. £800 paid by one person or shared between you (excludes court fees of £300) |
| Financial issues in connection with Divorce | £1,200 to £10,000 each |
| Disputes concerning the home owned by one or both of an unmarried couple | £1,200 to £5,000 each |
| Pre Nuptial agreement | £100 to £500 each on hourly rate |
| Declaration to marry overseas | £100.00 per couple |
| Change of name Deed | £70.00 |
These estimates do not include the conveyancing costs of transferring the house to one person's name, obtaining a remortgage or selling the house. Telephone us on 01793 649208 or visit the M4Homes section of this web site for a free estimate of our conveyancing charges.
What can I do to get best
value from a solicitor?
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Decide what your priorities are
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Think before telephoning or emailing your solicitor
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Respond clearly and promptly to your solicitor's requests for information
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Give serious consideration to your solicitor's advice, even if it is not what you want to hear
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Make sure you understand your solicitor's advice
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Maintain the best possible relationship with the other person and attend mediation if you believe it will help
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Take a practical approach to disagreements rather than wasting money and energy on "points of principle"
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Take independent financial advice. You will both need to make the most of your assets you have in your changed financial circumstances
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Do not use your solicitor as counsellor or therapist
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Do not get drawn into a dispute over items of relatively low value in the family home whatever their sentimental value
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Do not lie to your solicitor or expect him/her to pass on lies to the other party
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Choose a solicitor who seems to have the kind of attitude that you want
COMPLETE OUR ONLINE WHAT NEXT? QUESTIONNAIRE OR
EMAIL private@mcewens.co.uk OR PHONE 01793 649223 FOR
FURTHER INFORMATION
Copyright © 2006 McEwens